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A parody on modern births in hospitals. Not such a humane thing as it used to be. This is a scene from the film "The Meaning of Life", by Monty Python.
One thousand and eight!
Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, doctor!
Good. Take her into the Foetus Frightening Room.
Thum, thum, thum. Right.
Bumm, bumm, bumm, bumm, bum--
So, it's a bit bare in here today, isn't it?
Yes. More apparatus, please, nurse: the E.E.G., the B.P. monitor, and the A.V.V.
Yes. Certainly, Doctor.
And, uh, get the machine that goes 'ping'.
And get the most expensive machines, in case the administrator comes.
That's it. Bring in the other machines. Right over here.
That's it. Just behind me.
Lovely. Lovely. Jolly good. That's better. That's much, much better.
Yeahhh, that's more like it.
Eehhh. Still something missing, though.
Where's the patient?
Anyone seen the patient?
Aah! Here she is.
Bring it over here.
Mind the machines!
Sorry, Doctor Spenser.
Jump up there. Up!
Hallo. Now, don't you worry.
We'll soon have you cured.
Leave it all to us. You'll never know what hit you.
Can I put the tube in the baby's head?
Only if I can do the episiotomy.
Okay. Uh, legs up! Doctor, come in. Come on in, all of you. That's it. Jolly good.
Come along. Spread 'round there. Uh, who are you?
I'm the husband.
I'm sorry. Only people involved are allowed in here. All right.
What do I do?
What do I do?
Nothing, dear. You're not qualified!
Leave it to us!
What's that for?
That's the machine that goes 'ping'.
You see? That means your baby is still alive!
And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital!
Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds.
Aren't you lucky?!
The administrator is here, doctor.
Switch everything on!
Morning, Mr. Pycroft.
Morning, Mr. Pycroft.
Oh, very impressive. Very impressive. And what are you doing this morning?
It's a birth.
Aahh. What sort of thing is that?
Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.
Wonderful what we can do nowadays. Aah! I see you have the machine that goes 'ping'. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to, and that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account. Thank you. Thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.
Ooh, the vulva's dilating, doctor.
Oh, yes, there's the head. Yes, four centimetres. Five-- Six centimetres.
Amplify the 'ping' machine.
Eyes down for a full house!
Here it comes!
And... frighten it! Thank you.
And the rough towels!
Show it to the mother. That's enough.
Right! Sedate her!
Number the child.
Measure it, blood type it, and isolate it!
Is it a boy or a girl?
Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super Eight.
FOETUS= In humans, the unborn young from the end of the eighth week after conception to the moment of birth, as distinguished from the earlier embryo. Also spelled "fetus" (esp. in AmE). Pronounced /fi:təs/.
FRIGHTENING= Something frightening makes you afraid, scared.
JOLLY GOOD (BrE)= Excellent, great.
BARE= naked; empty.
MACHINE= Pronunciation /məʃi:n/.
THE MACHINE THAT GOES ‘PING’= We often use the verb GO to explain the sound an animal or thing makes (e.g. "the cat goes meow and the cow goes moo")
THAT’S MORE LIKE IT= Perfect, that’s the way it should be.
SOMETHING MISSING= If something is missing, it should be there but it’s not.
THOUGH= Nevertheless, although. These previous three words all mean the same, but only THOUGH (/ðəʊ/) can go at the end of a sentence. "Nevertheless" (with a comma) and "although" would be in the beginning: "Nevertheless,/Although something is still missing".
MIND THE MACHINES= Be careful with the machines.
YOU’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT YOU= When we finish, it will be as if nothing had happened to you (because we’ll be so fast and efficient).
EPISIOTOMY= The act of cutting the perineum during childbirth to make things easier.
PEOPLE INVOLVED= People connected to this, people who are important in this situation.
YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED= You don’t have the necessary academic knowledge or training to do this job.
LEAVE IT TO US= We’ll do everything.
MORNING!= Good morning!. In colloquial English we often drop the "good" in these greetings, especially with "good morning", rarely with "good afternoon". For "good night", we can say "night", but more often we say "night, night!".
TUMMY= Stomach. "Tummy" is a colloquial word, most often used by or to children.
DO CARRY ON= We use DO in affirmative sentences to emphasize, but when we use it with the imperative form of a verb, it makes it sound much more formal and polite. "Do carry on" = "oh, please, continue".
DILATING= When something dilates, it gets bigger.
A FULL HOUSE= In bingo, it’s when you have all the numbers you need to win. In poker, it’s when you have a pair and a trio. Here on this video, I don’t know what it means, it probably means something like "bingo!, we did it!" (just a guess).
ROUGH= coarse, not smooth or soft. Pronounced /rʌf/.
BLOOD TYPE IT= In English, we can take any word or even a phrase and use it as a verb. Here, "to blood-type" means to find out what his blood type is (for instance RH+).
ISOLATE= If you isolate something, you put it apart, so nothing and nobody has any contact with it.
IMPOSE ROLES= If you impose a role on somebody, you force them or strongly influence them to behave in a particular way.
A WORD OF ADVICE= The word "advice" is uncountable, so if you want to make it countable you can say "a piece of advice" or "a word of advice".
PND= Post natal depression. Some women, after giving birth, feel depressed ("natal" is the adjective related to "birth").
BETAMAX, VHS, SUPER 8= Three different formats for recording video on tape (before digital recordings and CDs appeared).
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