- This is the worst part of the job. I hate giving bad news.
- Don't worry, I'll do the talking, just follow my lead.
- Hello
- Mrs Harries.
- Yes?
- It's about your son.
- God, what is it. Is he alright?
- Mrs Harries, you may want to sit down because your son is... he's just...
- ..been promoted!
- What?
- Promoted, isn't that amazing?
- Sorry, but he...
- Oh, he's done ever so well.
- Sorry, your son is...
- ...gonna have his picture in the paper.
- Why?
- For doing a painting of a little dog that he saved from a fire.
- No, he's...
- ... gonna record an album with Lily Allan.
- The fact of the matter is your son is...
- ...going to the moon. The moon!
- Mrs Harries, your son's been involved in...
- ... A time-travel project. He's gonna be the ++++, he can levitate.
- Excuse me.
- (levitate)
- Breaks your heart. Doesn't it?

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.

...................................
[Sorry, my transcription of this airport lady had too many blanks, so I rather leave it out]
...................................


- So, yes, I think it's pretty much it. I think it's some real good size, actually.
- Yeah, its a... it's a really good size.
- Yeah, and I thought you'd be able to hear the road from here but actually it's pretty quiet
- Yea, yea. Well, there used to be a bit of a ++++ ramp but ++++ by-pass.
- Sorry, I don't think we saw through there.
- Ah, yes. Uhm... that is the second reception room. I must warn you, it's a bit old fashioned. Ha, ha, ha.
- Don't worry about that. We'll probably want to redo all the deco anyway.
- Right, right, ok, then follow me.
- This is really a room for the family. Just enough room there for a tin bath by the fire.
- Evening, all.
- It's the perfect room for opening tins of ++++ beef ++++ having enough bacon. And outside there there's a convenient ++++
- Well, I must say that seems of an adequate size to raise an ++++
- Absolutely, ++++
- But, darling, I'm not sure I want children.
- You do as you're told.
- And that's for ++++
- I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.
- Shall we?
- So, some people like it. Some people just don't.
- Uhm, can we see the ++++ bedroom again.


- That's him.
- Oh God, it never gets any easier, does it?
- I know. I'll do the talking. Come on.
- Mr Batford. Good morning. We've got your test results back and... it's really hard but I'm... sorry I've got to tell you that...
- We're gonna be discharging you.
- Really?
- No, Mr Batford you're not going...
- ...away empty-handed. Everything in this room is yours to keep as well as a ++++ and this ++++ and a ++++
- No, Mr Batford, having looked to your X-rays we've actually detected...
- ...superpowers. Super human powers. You can go invisible: poof! gone!
- uhm... no, no, we found...
- ...gold! You're made of gold, you're worth a fortune.
- Well, that's amazing, I thought I had cancer.
- No / - Yes
- Do I or don't I?
- No / - Yes
- No / - Yes
- No / - Yes
- Breaks your heart, doesn't it?


- Uhm, now, through here it's the second reception room. I do have to tell you it's a bit, it's a bit old-fashioned.
- It's a long way to Tipperary, it's a long way to go.
- Bullocks!


- Darling, the Parsons just telegraphed to say they're coming for the weekend.
- Darling, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
- What on earth are you going to feed them?
- Darling, there's something I must tell you.
- ++++
- Darling, I really must speak with you.
- What about cooked rhubarb and ginger pudding. Agath is frightfully keen on rhubarbs.
- It's just rhubarb.
- What, darling?
- The plural of rhubarb is rhubarb.
- Is it? Oh, isn't that killing. I must telephone Freddy and tell him.
- Darling, I really must speak with you.
- Hello ++++. Did you know the plural of rhubarb is rhubarb? ha ha ha, I know, how killing, isn't that curious? Freddy said ++++
- Darling, won't you listen?
- I was thinking. ++++ a couple of hares.
- Darling, I shall have to come out and say it. I'm a lesbian. And I go with women. There, I said it.
- Of course Margaret, you're right. We'll have ++++ one of her favourite hare pies. I do love the hare pie.
- So do I, darling. So do I.
- Excellent. Well, it's settled then. We'll have the ++++ you're a lesbian. I shall go and tell ++++ at once.
- One day I shall move from this ++++ and stare a different part of the curtains.