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The politically correct Christmas party
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Sometimes, being politically correct and trying to not offend anyone is impossible.
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we’re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I’m happy to accommodate this request, but, don’t forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won’t be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange– no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I’ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men’s table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people — nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians — I’ve had it with you people!! We’re going to hold this party at Luigi’s Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you’ll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
Report mistakes------ 1st letter
SPIKED EGGNOG= Eggnog is a drink consisting of milk or cream, sugar, and eggs beaten together and often mixed with an alcoholic liquor such as rum or brandy. If there’s alcohol in it, it’s usually called "spiked eggnog".
CAROL= A traditional Christmas song.
SING ALONG= Sing at the same time.
FEEL FREE TO SING ALONG= The expression "feel free to do something" means that you can do it if you want to, and at the same time it’s encouraging you to do it.
CEO= chief executive officer.
SHOW UP= If somebody shows up, they suddenly appear when nobody was expecting them.
GIFT= Present.
OVER $10= more than $10.
------ 2nd letter
MEMO= A written proposal or reminder.
JEWISH= Related to the Jews /dʒu:z/. A Jew is a person practising the religion founded by Moses in Palestine.
HANUKKAH= A Jewish religious festival which lasts 8 days, commemorating the victory in 165 B.C. of the Maccabees over Antiochus Epiphanes (c. 215-164 B.C.) and the rededication of the Temple at Jerusalem.
COINCIDE= If two events coincide, they happen at the same time.
KWANZAA= An African-American cultural festival, celebrated from December 26 to January 1.
------ 3rd letter
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS= An organization made up by ex-alcoholics to help other alcoholics stop drinking and stay away from alcohol.
AA= Alcoholics Anonymous.
UNION MEMBERS= Members of a trade union. A trade union is an organization intended to protect the rights of workers, especially its members.
------ 4th letter
OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS= A self-help organization similar to Alcoholics Anonymous but directed to people who eat too much (people who over-eat).
FARTHEST= The superlative form of "far" (irregular).
DESSERT BUFFET= A table with lots of desserts. You can go there and help yourself, take as many desserts as you want.
RESTROOMS (AmE)= Toilets.
A FLOWER ARRANGEMENT= A bunch of flowers set for decoration, usually in the middle of a table.
------ 5th letter
SINISTER= Threatening or suggesting evil or harm.
ANAGRAM= A word or phrase formed by reordering the letters of another word or phrase, such as "satin" to "stain", or the Latin words "Amor" and "Roma".
EVIL= Morally bad or wrong. Wicked.
------ 6th letter
I’VE HAD IT WITH YOU!= I’m sick and tired of you. I’m fed up with you. I don’t want to listen to you anymore, I had enough!
HOLD THIS PARTY= You can say: to have a party, to throw a party or to hold a party.
GRILL= A cooking surface of parallel metal bars.
AS YOU PUT IT= As you call it.
HYDROPONIC= Cultivation of plants in nutrient solution rather than in soil.
TOMATO= In BrE it is pronounced /təmɑ:təʊ/, in AmE it is usually pronounced /təmeɪtəʊ/.
TO SLICE= To cut something into large thin pieces.
SCREAM= Shout, cry.
ROTTEN= Something rotten is in a state of putrefaction or decay. A rotten holiday is a horrible holiday.
DRIVE DRUNK AND DIE= This is an alteration of the expression "don’t drink and drive" to mean just the opposite (she’s already going crazy from all the stress).
------ 7th letter
SPEEDY= Fast, quick.
A STRESS RELATED ILLNESS= An illness caused by stress.
TO FORWARD= If you forward a letter to another person, you send them the letter you have received.
SANATORIUM= A hospital for chronic illness (in this case, for mental illness).
IN THE MEANTIME,= Meanwhile,
GIVE THE AFTERNOON OFF= If you have the afternoon off, you don’t have to work that afternoon.
  Votes: 0 hari India - 05/08/2010 08:08 |
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Votes: 0 MrM Mexico - 30/05/2010 02:30 |
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