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Yet another boy scared of women. At least this one admits it and talks about it. By Charlie McDonnell
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My name is Charlie, I’m 18 years old, I am a boy and I am afraid of lots of things. I’m afraid of commitments, I’m afraid of multi-tasking, I’m afraid of my little pony, I’m afraid of moths, but most importantly I’m afraid of... no, I’m- I’m petrified of women.
Women scared me a lot and I’ve...I’ve been afraid of women pretty much my entire life, particularly the last few years, which is probably why I haven’t had a girlfriend. And up until I was about 16 years old I never really knew why I was afraid of women. I always thought that my fear of women must have been an irrational fear, uhm, though, obviously I didn’t think “this is an irrational fear” when I was two, because I didn’t know what “irrational” meant.
But then I realized something, and I know this might sound a little bit mad, which is because it is, bu-but bear with me. I’m sure a lot of you know the saying that a woman can always tell when a man is lying, but I think it goes a lot deeper than that. I believe that women can read minds.
I know it sounds mad, right? but I-I can prove it, I can prove it. I-I’m... in this video I’ll prove to you that women can in fact read minds.
Why do women wear high-heels? Why d’you get a better signal on your mobile phone if you stand on a chair? It’s the same principle. If women are higher up on their high-heels then they can get a better brainwave signal.
Why do some women wear those ridiculously large earrings? Why are satellites that shape? The earrings are there to help them catch all those brainwaves from farther away so that they can... so that they can read our minds!
Why do women have longer hair than men? Why d’you get a better signal in your radio if you pull out the aerial longer. Longer hair, better brainwave signal!
We all know that women like to gossip, right? Can you imagine this? Two women in a room, with a man, secretly gossiping about that man, silently, using their psychic powers.
Have you ever seen the bee-hive hair cut? Well, my theory is that some women have massive brains that they can use not only to read minds, but to control minds as well, and they need that haircut to-to hide their brain, the massive gianormous mutated brain. It’s right there! Women can read minds!
You’re not as impressed as me, I can tell. I know that this might seem like random speculation but I-I do believe that this could be a definite possibility. So I have invented something that will prove that women definitely can read minds. I’ve invented this. It’s called the super psychic reader hat o-matic.
The super psychic reader hat o-matic has two wires. One of the wires connects to my computer so that it can give the hat power, and the other wire connects to my i-phone. I open up the super psychic reader appli-matic and I can read brainwaves.
If you have a look there then you can see that I have no psychic reading, obviously, because I’m a man. But I believe that if we put this hat on a woman and we get any sort of psychic reading on my phone, then women can definitely, without any doubt, read minds. And so, with that, it’s time for me to get a woman.
- Bridy! This is my sister
- Now, I’m just making a video at the moment. It’s just this stupid little video and I’ve got this hat that I just wanna you to put on, just for the video, ‘cause I thought it might be quite funny so... can you put that on?
- Is that alright?
- Yea, very dashing. Now if you leave...just... just leave... that’s perfect. Just hold it like that for a second.
- Right? I want just... Just leave it like that (OMG! Proof that women can read minds!)
- Can you feel anything? Is that...?
- No, it’s fine.
- Just a quick question.
- Alright, yea.
- Uhm, can all women read minds?
- Can all women read minds? Because I kind of just...I kind-I kind of just proved for the Internet that all women can read minds so there’s no denying it.
- woh, it’s... no... phew... Fine, all women can read minds.
- I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I knew it all along, I...
- But-but Charlie, you don’t realize...
- Because you know this, you're going to have to die.
Ta Ta Taaaaa
Will Charlie survive? Will Bridy ever find true love? All’ll be revealed next week here on the Charlieissocoollike web video show thingy whatever this is.
COMMITMENTS= An obligation, responsibility, or promise that restricts freedom of action.
MULTI-TASKING= Doing several things at the same time.
MOTHS= Night butterflies (they are usually brown and are attracted to light, and may eat clothes)
PETRIFIED= Really really afraid.
PRETTY MUCH MY ENTIRE LIFE= Most of my whole life.
MAD (BrE)= Crazy (AmE).
BEAR WITH ME= Be patient with me.
THE SAYING= The proverb.
A MAN IS LYING= A man is telling lies (lie-lied-lied). It may also mean that he is lying down (lie-lay-lain), but not in this context.
PROVE= To establish the truth or validity of by presentation of argument or evidence.
HIGH-HEELS= Women’s shoes that make you look taller (see picture).
BRAINWAVE= Electric signals generated by the brain as it is working (so when we think we generate brainwaves).
SATELLITES= I think he means "satellite dishes". A satellite dish is a circular antenna designed to get signals (television or radio signals) from a satellite. (see picture)
AERIAL= A radio antenna, specially one extending into the air.
GOSSIP= Telling about personal information, rumours, etc. (about other people, not about yourself).
PSYCHIC POWERS= Mental powers.
BEE-HIVE= The home bees build to live in.
MASSIVE= Huge, very very big.
GIANORMOUS= A funny word made from GIANT + ENORMOUS (both words mean “very very big”, so “gianormous” suggests something really super big).
RANDOM= Crazy. Something with no criteria or purpose. Absurd.
WIRE= Cable. A thin metallic thread.
DASHING= Splendid, elegant, lively.
OMG= Oh my God! (an exclamation of surprise)
THERE’S NO DENYING IT= It’s impossible to contradict. It’s an undisputable truth. (to deny means to contradict, to say it’s not true).
THINGY= A word we use when we don’t know the name of something.
- Can you give me that thingy on the table?
- You mean the mobile phone?
- Yeah, yea, that thing there.
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Mike Italy - 21/09/2009 11:11
So that's it? I always knew there was something strage happening here. Yea, it all fits now, of course. How could I not notice before!
Come on Charley, now you have to move on to the next step, design a hat to protect our brains from unwanted external reading!