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Modern Educayshun (Neel Kolhatkar)

Are we going too far? Maybe? 

"Modern Educayshun" delves into the potential dangers of a hypersensitive culture bred by social media and political correctness. 

Written and Directed by Neel Kolhatkar.

Welcome.

Ignore that. It will end.



Now, our first question: 1+1

Yes?

Two

Incorrect

Yes?

Multiculturalism.

Well done, Simon. Next question. What is 3 x 3?

Yes?

9?

Wrong!

Yes, Penelope?

Gender equality?

Very good, Penelope.

Is this a joke?

You think gender equality is a joke?

No, but isn't this a math class?

Don't be so racist!

I just asked a question!

We don't ask questions!

Questions are offensive!

Yeah!



Now students, I trust you have all completed your research assignments. And remember the person with the highest mark will be flying to New York to present their paper at the World Mathematic Summit.



Well done, Penelope. 6/10.



You too, Simon. 6/10.



Hey!



Be careful! You've been staring at her for ten seconds!

What?

It is a form of harassment to stare at a woman for more than 15 seconds straight!

And when I use the term "straight", I don't want to offend any persons of a non-traditional sexual preference.

And when I use the term "non-traditional", I don't mean to offend any persons who oppose... historically normalized...

OK, I get it!



Unfortunately, Sunshine, your research assignment is only worth a 1/10.

I've used Fourier transform in mathematical methods in electronics to analyse the electro-diagrams of at risk patients and calculate their risk of experiencing a heart attack. I mean, it's a new method but it could potentially save thousands of lives.

7

You barely even read it.

You used red pen.

What?

Red is considered offensive in many religions.

Why would you belittle everything down to a singular color... ...when humanity is a rainbow of beauty and spirituality?

Yeah!

OK, fine, 7/10! But that still means I get to go to the summit, right?

The marking process isn't over yet. Now, because we live in a society based on equality, the total amount of marks ought to be divided equally among our students.

You've got to be kidding me!

Well done, students, we're all equal. We're all average!

Yay!

But then who gets to go to the summit?

We haven't added our privilege points yet! Don't you know anything?

That is correct.

Now, Penelope, you are female, so that's +1 privilege point. However you are white, so that's -1.

I'm also bisexual.

+1,

that leaves you with a total score of 6/10.

Simon, unfortunately you're straight, white and male

and cis-gender...

Yes, so that's -4 privilege points, which leaves you with a total score of 1.

It's only fair.

Now, you. You're male and I don't like you, so that's -2 privilege points. But you are brown and sexually ambiguous. So that's +2. That leaves you with a total score of 5.

Wait, why am I sexually ambiguous?

And finally Sunshine!

Hum... I'm gay, I'm trans, I'm asian, I'm overweight, I'm lower class, I'm unintelligent, unattractive, I've got hairs on my nipples. And I also got body odour. And I can't really run properly or tie my shoelaces by myself. And I once watched a pigeon die.

Wonderful, Sunshine. That's 13 privilege points! That leaves you with a total score of 18/10!

Well done, Sunshine, you're going to New York!

Hurray Sunshine! We knew you could do it!

Let me see this! They've just written "Equality" and drawn love hearts on a piece of paper!

He expressed himself and it's beautiful!

He didn't even spell "Equality" correctly!

We don't discriminate!

This has nothing to do with mathematics!

You think you're so great with your maths and your science and your facts? What about feelings, huh?

Yeah, feelings are more important than facts!

Yeah!

This is wrong!

You're all crazy!

Stop violating me with your different opinion!

I have the right to speak my mind!

No, we have the right not to be offended!

And that's more important!

And if you don't stop verbally assaulting us, we will be forced to attack you in self-defense!

You can't do that.

Actually, we have every right to do so.

And it's illegal for you to fight back.

Yeah!

This is insane.

Prepare to die, and know that social justice won. Death!

Sunshine!



Welcome!

Ignore that, it will end.















IGNORE= Don't pay attention to...

MULTICULTURALISM = The presence of, or support for the presence of, several distinct cultural or ethnic groups within a society.

WELL DONE= An expression of congratulations and encouragement for something good somebody has done.

GENDER EQUALITY= The belief that men and women must have the same opportunities and legal rights.

RACIST= A person who believes some races are superior to or better than other races.

ASSIGNMENT= Homework.

6/10= "Six out of ten". That uses a marking system in which the maximum mark is 10, and you got a 6.

STARING= Looking fixedly for a long time, especially with eyes wide open.

HARASSMENT= Aggressive pressure or intimidation. "Sexual harassment" is when a man does or says something that may intimidate a woman. It may be a criminal offence usually punished by laws. Depending on the country and culture, it may be considered sexual harassment, and maybe a criminal offence, anything raging from touching a woman in a sexual way without her consent to telling her "hey, pretty girl" when she passes along in the street. When the situation reverses and a woman harasses a man, it's almost impossible to consider it sexual harassment and so, a crime.

STRAIGHT= It may be "directly", but talking about sexual preferences, a straight person is someone who feels sexually and sentimentally attracted by the opposite sex (that is, men love women and women love men).

I DON'T MEAN TO...= It is not my intention to...

I GET IT= I understand.

IS ONLY WORTH= If something is only worth X, it deserves nothing more than X (it wouldn't be fair to give it more than X).

BARELY= Almost not (I barely love you = I almost don't love you = I love you very very little)

BELITTLE= If you belittle something or someone, you think it is not important.

OUGHT TO= /ɔ:tə/  Should.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!= You must be joking, This can't be true. An expression to show disbelief.

AVERAGE= Standard level, rate, value or characteristics.

CIS-GENDER= A person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex. That is, if you were born a boy and you feel like a boy, you are cisgender.

IT'S ONLY FAIR= It is just, it is correct.

SEXUALLY AMBIGUOUS= It may mean that it is not easy to tell if you like boys or girls, or it may mean that you like boys, for example, but you don't mind girls either, so you are not exactly bisexual but a little.

TRANS= Short for "Transsexual". A transsexual person is someone who was a boy or a girl and then had a hormone treatment (including or not surgery) to turn them into the other sex or at least make them look like they are (so for example you were a boy and then changed to be or looked like a girl).

OVEWEIGHT= A nice way to say "Fat".

LOWER CLASS= A nice way to say "Poor" or "a bit poor".

UNINTELLIGENT= A nice way to say "Stupid" or "Silly".

UNATTRACTIVE= A nice way to say "ugly" or "looking terrible".

NIPPLES= The two circles we have on our chests. Women may use it for feeding their babies with milk. Men have no use for them, but they have them all the same.

BODY ODOUR= If you have body odour, you smell bad.

BY MYSELF= Alone, without help or company.

PIGEON= A kind of dove (see picture)

DISCRIMINATE= To treat someone in a different way, often for the worst.

HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH...= Has any relationship with..., is totally different from.

VIOLATE= Treat with irreverence or disrespect.

TO SPEAK MY MIND= To say what I think.

ASSAULTING= Attack someone violently.

ACTUALLY= We use this when we are going to contradict what someone said.

FIGHT BACK= Attack because you have been attack, respond to an attack to defend yourself.

INSANE= Crazy.

 

 

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